I'm not gonna lie, today was f-ing hard. I'm a little welled up with emotion while I type this. It wasn't that I didn't want to go for a ride, or that I was too tired (although yesterday's ride did leave me aching and I even took a nap today!), it was basically a weak day for body image, which probably had a lot to do with the fact that yesterday we took tons of video footage and pictures. I really didn't realize until I reviewed them just how out of shape and overweight I am. Sometimes reality can be tough.
I'm not going to dwell on this too much, but lets just say there was a moment when I really thought I was going to end up crumpled by the side of the road in tears and throwing a temper tantrum of self pity that would put Jack's to shame. Rather than do this I took a big deep breath, let some tears out and started to think about why I was putting myself through this torture. Jack is the reason I'm putting myself through this torture, and as many times as I break down I will just have to lift myself out of the pity with an honest look at how much he means to me.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard or read that this kind of thing takes a lot of work. It's totally obvious that if it takes years of abuse to get your body in ill health, then it's surely going to take a while to get it back to a sense of balance. As I was cycling up a little hill and cursing it for it's "hilly-ness", I was struck by the absurdity of why I would think it would be easy. I mean its so stupid to think it would be easy and although I know this mentally, emotionally I'm in denial. I think I actually worked through some of these emotions today, not to sound too much like an episode of the Biggest Loser, but I really made mental progress. Mostly I just stopped caring what other people thought and started re-focusing on my reasons for doing it in the first place.
I posted the picture above on the 30 days of Biking Facebook page and the caption that came to me was perfect in my mind..."This is from our trip today, we just got back. I had trouble finding my motivation until I realized he was sitting right behind me"