Complex emotions and the emergency room

I'd like to say that I'm over the moon with excitement and glee in regards to future opportunities, and yet I find all those positive thoughts condemned to hide behind my fear of the unknown. I don't cope well with change, it takes me over and I feel it in the bottom of my stomach, a huge knot of worry that I can't get rid of. Knowing that huge knot of worry will be there for about 4 months, is not the brightest prospect and I find myself worrying about how I shall cope with the worrying. What hopelessly complex little creatures we are.

In an attempt to redirect his stressed out mess of a wife, Kyle came up with the idea of a game of disc golf last night. Silly that we used to play all the time, and then stopped when we moved here and there's now a disc golf course about 2 blocks from our house. Last night was the first time we played there and Kyle commented on how lovely it was, I said maybe we shouldn't move and he glared at me...not a real glare, but one of those "oh you drive me crazy like only a spouse can" kind of glares that broke off into a smile, recognizing my attempt at humor.

I'm glad that Jack is free of the stress created by this move, but the worst times for me have been parting with his little tokens of childhood. I think I've moved so many times in my life that I now detest it, I really want to settle down and embrace my inner hoarder, but every time I get close, adventure calls. It's not even a call I like to receive either, it's like I accept it despite myself. 

I mentioned that I would share our reasons for the move, and really they are very simple but also pretty complex, it's not one thing, but rather numerous things that have added up to be "something". For one, we want to offer Jack as much as we can in life, and don't feel like we can personally do that here and we're not happy with that. We want him to go to a decent school that has a real kitchen, not one serving our most precious, the worst food the country has to offer (two words- "pink slime"). We want to be able to travel more and the U.S. feels very cut off, it's expensive to visit all the places that we want to see. We long for a tad more culture and diversity, oh and a few more vacation days a year, and while we could obviously move within the country to find that, we also want a complete change. Also, honestly, home calls me. It always has done, homesickness is a feeling I've always carried within me and it could very well be for a country that no longer exists, but I shall never know unless I go and find out for myself. I'm very fortunate to have a husband who tells me home is wherever I am and is therefore willing to step out into the great unknown with me.

People keep telling me that we're brave, but I don't think that is the right word- maybe crazy, maybe just desperate for change and then again, maybe a little brave. But I don't feel brave, not at all. I feel so much responsibility to make the right decision and for the right reasons. It wouldn't be so bad if we didn't have such an incredibly tight budget, but as is typical for us, this challenge must be met on a shoestring budget and we're selling everything we can to make it happen. Of course we'll take a suitcase each, a stroller and the bikes...oh and a laptop, because I can't stop blogging now, right when it's getting interesting! We still have to decide where we are going when we get off the plane, bright ideas accepted!

Finally, without sharing the personal details, our little Jack had to be taken to ER yesterday...I think it was yesterday...I'm sleep deprived. But yes, he had a pretty bad time of it, thankfully he is feeling lots better today. It was our first trip to ER with him and was pretty scary, apparently nothing that a good dose of antibiotics can't fix...and I'll leave it at that, because when he grows up he might not appreciate me sharing the details with the world;)